No, I have not given up blogging.... it just looks that way.

So a whole Christmas season has gone by without a single blog from me. The fact that I'm writing this one at 12:40 a.m. should be a clue as to why. And I think the only reason I'm taking the time to write this one is the guilt Sarah made me feel when I read all about Lily's Christmas Eve, Christmas day and New Year's Day.

Sigh.

Guilt. It's a mom's best friend. I want my girls to have absolutely everything for Christmas, but I don't want them to be spoiled. I want to be a laid-back, cool, 'hip' mom, but I want my girls to respect my authority. I don't want to be strict, but I want them to be disciplined. I want to be able to give them treats, but I want them to be healthy. I want to do absolutely everything for them, but I want them to be independent. I want them to be giving and trusting of others, but I don't want them to be taken advantage of. I want them to understand they have been given an incredible opportunity in this country, but I don't ever want them to feel indebted to me and their daddy, as THEY have saved ME in so many ways. I want them to know their birth mother and the sacrifice she made for them, but I selfishly don't want them to ever become more attached to her than to me. Oh, where does it end? Does the line ever become clear?

Anyone else ever think they were a much better mother before they actually had kids? Me!! Me!! I had such idealistic attitudes... my kids wouldn't ever be spoiled rotten, or ever act up in public, and I would NEVER give in to tantrums. TV would be very limited in my house, if I allowed it at all, and it would NEVER be used to babysit the kids. And I would watch what they eat like a hawk, and not allow any sugar in their diet for at least the first 2 years of their life. Bwahahahaha! And God forbid if MY child ever ran wild in a store. Or created a scene in a restaurant! And heavens, I certainly never understood parents who would actually bribe their own children to do things! Children should do what they are told without expecting anything in return, right? Oh, I just kill myself with the guffaws on that one.

Well, having said all that, I do happen to think my kids are perfectly normal. And I do think I'm a pretty decent mother in spite of not living up to my former expectations. I mean really, what's wrong with ice cream at 10:00 in the morning occasionally? It's milk, right? And so what if it's a complete, out-and-out bribe for pooping in the potty instead of in pants? I mean, a mom has to do what a mom has to do in order to keep her baby from being thrown out of daycare because she has regressed in the art of pooping in the potty, all because stupid DHEC regulations say the 3K kids MUST go to the potty by themselves, right? (And Maya, I hope you read this one day, just in case I forget to use this information against you in your rebellious teenage years somehow ... hehehe!) And so what if the baby gets the same treat, just to avoid the tantrum you know would be coming if one child got ice cream and the other didn't? And ok, so what if they eat it in the living room so that they can watch Jungle Book for the 2nd time in a row, because mommy really needs to take a shower and clean the kitchen before the entire family descends upon the house for the holiday festivities! I can clean the couch later of the chocolate drippings.....

Back to my regular scheduled (hah!) blogging next time....